Test day

Well, I just finished my Foreign Service exam (and a huge tuna sandwich). The State Department is very nice; they don't change at all for the test in order to attract as wide a range of applicants as possible. Consequentially, it was a diverse group gathered in Georgetown today: men and women, young and old, white and not-so-white, rich and slightly-less-rich. Oh yeah, and the Devil himself.

Yes, Satan made an appearance, and while he doesn't seem to have a tail, he does have sharp, black eyebrows, slicked-back hair, a menacing grimace, and a pointy goatee. I imagine the Devil comes to these events to harvest souls from desperate test-takers and, perhaps, to wreck the grade curve. During our 15 minute break, he actually bummed a cigarette from me and we made small talk for a while. It turns out that the Devil's name is Scott, he's originally from Seattle, and he just graduated from law school. At least one of those facts is not particularly surprising.

The test itself is divided into four sections:

Job Knowledge. The job knowledge section is actually composed of two parts: everyone answers the first 40-some questions and then there's another 30 or so that depend on what "career track" you select. Your career-track, or "cone" as it is sometimes called, basically determines what sort of job you do in the Foreign Service. It is very important. Once you take the test, you cannot change it. Ever. There are five options:

• Political
• Economic
• Management
• Consular
• Public Diplomacy

Since you compete against the other people in your chosen cone, I initially had planned on choosing Consular because it sounds pretty cool and is less competitive than the Political track, which is really where my interests lie. But since I don't really care too much right now, I went for Political. It was hard, but I imagine I did alright. I think there were maybe two or three questions (out of both parts) that I was completely clueless about, and maybe five or six more where I could narrow the options down but couldn't pick out a definite answer.

Written Essay. This is fairly self-explanatory. You have 50 minutes in which to write an essay on one of three different topics. Yes, you have to write by hand, with an actual pen and paper. Who the Hell does that anymore? The answer: The State Department.

Biographical Information. This is by far the weirdest and in some ways the most difficult section of the test. There are 88 questions about your personality, schooling, and work experience. The questions are all multiple-choice, but many of them require you to expound in writing on your answer as well. Sometimes listing examples was pretty difficult. Frankly, I don't remember many papers I wrote in college, much less whether or not I used multiple sources in researching them. Also, there are about 50 questions about the telephone and how often you used it in your previous job. The Foreign Service, apparently, is very concerned with telephones.

They tell you that there are no right or wrong answers in this section, but they still give you a score so they must be looking for something. They also tell you to answer honestly and not to try to "game" the exam. Well, I answered completely honestly. If it turns out that I don't pass because I admitted that I never, ever use a schedule or day planner, I'm going to be pissed.

English Expression. 90 questions about grammar and usage in 75 minutes. If you've taken the SATs or another standardized test, you've probably seen something a lot like this. The questions aren't very esoteric or technical; they just want to ensure you can write like an educated person. I'll be annoyed at myself if I get any of them wrong.

Test results are posted in late July, by which time I should be sunning myself on warm Moroccan beaches. Even if I didn't pass -- and given the intense competition in the Political cone, I doubt I did -- I'm still glad I took it. For one thing, there were a lot of cute girls there.

The FSWE: a good place to pick up chicks, meet the Devil, and (if you're really smart) become a Foreign Service Officer.